It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
