I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
