I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
FUCK WHALES
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
