I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
