mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
