i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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