I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
How does one acquire holy water?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Randomize
