dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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