dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
honey bunches of taint.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
