where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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