So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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