hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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