She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
