sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
