If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
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When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
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