We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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