THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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