I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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