You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I enjoy the company of your penis
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
