Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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