Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
and she was petting her beer can
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
