smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
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No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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