Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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