Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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