true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
