1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
