Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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