Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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