I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
