just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
