apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
