There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize