Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Mom said you looked used
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
