"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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