respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize