please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
