You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Randomize
