I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Randomize