woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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