I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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