I like to think it a success when the cops are called
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
