I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
