You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
she peed on how many people?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
