mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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