I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
