The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
