I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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