My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
