New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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