Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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