Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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