I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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