can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
