He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
a search helicopter?!
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
