his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
