I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I wish i was in the wii world.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
