Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
