can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
