Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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