just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
