My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
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