you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize