Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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