somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
