I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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