it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
love makes seman taste better
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
