So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
