Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
