I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
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