I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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