I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
How external is "for external use only"?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
