Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
