New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
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