Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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