After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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