I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Woke up backwards on a recliner
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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