TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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