I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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