I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
She bit a glass in half.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
