I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
