he wants to bone in the snuggie
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
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