Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
