They should really pass out barf bags in church
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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