the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
